How To Decide If You Really Want To Be a Mother

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By Susan Heckler

For many women, the desire to be a mother is just an assumption. After all, doesn’t everyone want to be a parent?

Apparently not! Parenthood is one of the most crucial decisions a woman will ever make. If is a lifetime commitment…24/7 for at least 18 years. You are no longer a ‘me’, you are a ‘we’ and need to think and act like one for a very long time.

For some women, like me, it was a no brainer. I had a very strong desire to be a Mom and raise a family. For others, like my sister, who told everyone she was doing it for my brother-in-law and didn’t care to have kids, not so much. (Not to worry, there was a dose of motherly love in the Demerol they gave her, and she had instant love for my niece and nephew). And then there are those that are just not so sure.

The more recent generations have taken the Daddy Factor out of the decision in many cases and make their decision as a single. Women are opting on being single parents because they are ready for motherhood and haven’t found the right man.

Think long and hard ladies, someone’s life is going to be in your hands and you need to give it your all. Your ability to be a mother will shape another human’s life and have an impact for generations to come.

Many people place a stigma on women not wanting children. Do not listen to them. If you do not have it in your heart to do this, maybe you should listen to your heart. Doing a bad job at motherhood has long term ramifications to your child and your life. Hey…someone’s life depends on you!

  • First of many questions: Do you like children? How do you feel when you are with friend’s kids or in a family style eatery?
  • Are you emotionally ready for this? Do you have room in your life and your heart for a child? Are you a stable, mature woman?
  • Are you willing to give up some of yourself? You will have less time for your career, partner, interests, social life, travel, sleep, and downtime. And yes, children are expensive and put a massive dent in your spending patterns. You need to be willing to make sacrifices for someone other than yourself.
  • Do you have the capacity to love?
  • Are you able to take care of yourself? If you cannot handle your own life, think twice before forming a new one to take on.
  • Do you have a support system in place? If is very difficult to parent alone without the help of family and friends occasionally.
  • Are you a responsible person? How is your emotional, intellectual, and spiritual development?
  • Is your partner ready, willing, and able to parent?
  • What are your motives for having children? Is it to make someone else happy? Repair a relationship? Because everyone else is?

No matter what your decision is today, tomorrow is another day and you can ask yourself the same questions.